FidgetyBudgie

Adore this cat

I love my mornings with Veronika.  It's definitely our time together.  She follows me around the house, sitting near my feet while I eat breakfast, her tail patting my feet contentedly.  She sits on the sink while I do my face and hair, demanding that the water be turned on a bit so she can put her paw in the stream and lick the water off, or drink straight from the tap.  She knocks little things I'm using off the counter onto the floor just to see them fall - the cap to the lotion, the little hair clips for the sides of my hair.  She's probably more attached to Doug than to me, as he plays with her endlessly and she really does adore him for that.  But we have our own little rituals, she and I.  The mornings, and then when I come to bed at night she climbs onto my chest and snuggles in for a bit of a cuddle before going down to the foot of the bed for the night.  Love this kitty.  She has brought us so much joy, makes us laugh every single day, and could not possibly be sweeter.  I'm so glad we didn't wait till we were done mourning to bring her home, we would have missed out on so much.

Happy to be Home again

The Budgie and I got back today from a trip to see his family.  We had a lovely time, spent a few days at a gorgeous lakeside cabin, swam in clear lake waters, ate delicious gluten free food, and generally lazed about.  But...I am happy to be back home.  Happy to see our darling Veronika cat again.  Happy to be in a quiet house after listening to his brother-in-law for a week.  The man is nice, and well-loved by The Budgie's parents, but good lord he never shuts up.  I mean this - it is to the extent that he will fill silence with one-word exclamations at breakfast:  "Eggs!"  "Herby!" "Me Love Potatoes!"  I had to keep eating to keep from countering with "shut the f*ck up for five minutes..."  which would have curled the hair of all members of this sweet southern family, who don't even utter the word 'damn' in polite company.  Because while these are very, very, very nice people - they are also the kind of nice that covers up most other emotions.  In ten years I have rarely heard them express love for one another verbally, or and never them display affection towards their spouse.  It's a very proper, very polite, and very different family from mine.  Mine are messy, toxic, with their emotions thrown all over the table for everyone to see.  But we hug, and tell each other we love each other, and my parents always have given each other a little kiss when they go separate ways, even for an hour.  My family has divorces and fights and all of us need therapy and it's more than a little dysfunctional, but somehow right now, I love them just a bit more than I did ten days ago.  I'm more aware of the fact that dysfunctional has a lot of different faces...

The Budgie's family is very kind to me.  They made gluten free brownies, birthday cake for his dad, and even chocolate chip cookies!  They read labels and went out of their way to make sure I could eat, and omg did I eat well!  We had steaks, shrimp, scallops, even gluten free s'mores, all over the barbecue.  We had gorgeous salads, and I came home with more than a few recipes.  We spent an entire day on a pontoon boat on the lake, tucking into lovely coves and jumping off for a swim, and had lunch on the water together.  We played hours of Wii and got completely stomped by The Budgie's mom in 100-pin bowling.  It was a wonderful, delicious, lovely trip.  But honestly, by last night I just wanted to come home where my diet wasn't a constant issue.  I just wanted to speak my mind, instead of biting my tongue.  I wanted to swear when I nailed my ankle with my suitcase.  I wanted to be myself, instead of a whitewashed version of myself that at times was sincerely Stepford in nature.  I wanted to disagree with the snide anti-Obama or bigoted remarks, but one doesn't do such things in polite company. Especially when they are footing the bill that got you there in the first place.  Sometimes we get to know people better than we wanted to know them.  And sometimes we realize we will never really know them, because they will never let us in, take off the masks of politeness and decorum, and let us see any of their faults or flaws or dark emotions. 

I wish there were a middle ground between his family and mine.  And perhaps that is what he and I have found in each other.  I am more polite and more gentle because of him.  He says "I love you" out loud and is warmly affectionate to me in almost any setting.  I am happy to be home again, in our home, with the flaws and the little messes and chicken in the oven, brown rice on the stove, and our Veronikat running happily between rooms to visit with each of us. 

 

 

I had a mammography patient hug me yesterday after her exam. I had a patient tonight tell me I'm kind. I had a patient the other night thank me for caring so much. I had a patient in mamms the other day ask me if I go home at night feeling like I saved a life today - because she thought that what we do does just that. I got tears in my eyes when I answered her and said 'yeah, I do', and she had tears in hers too.

I love my job. There are days it is heartwrenching, but somehow those are good days too, because I have a job that makes me *feel*. Because I work in a place where my coworkers hug a patient's family, because they need it. Because I hear patients almost every day say they love this hospital.

The two years it took to get here were worth it. It was grueling, and there was a point that one summer where I very nearly had a nervous breakdown, but perhaps somehow it brokedown some things inside that needed to be broken. It's not that no one annoys me at work. It's that it just doesn't matter. I do my job. My patients are my responsibiity. My images are my responsibilty. Knowing that so many of them come to our hospital because they know they will feel loved, gives me the space to love them for those few minutes they are with me.

My job fills my life, and my heart with love.

And that is so beautiful, and so unexpected.

I am so lucky.

Deschutes blows off Gluten Free customers

Well, it appears there is one less safe place to eat in Portland.  I sent Deschutes the followin comment in February.  What follows is the email I received back, and my response.  If you have comments about the changes they've made, please go to their website and comment.

2/27/2011 - I wrote this on their site:

Hi, I just wanted to write about my last two dining experiences at the Portland restaurant, and how disappointed I am. When I moved here 2 years ago I was thrilled to find you have gluten-free beer and a gluten free menu. At that time I was told that the gluten free foods were fried in a dedicated fryer, you had your own baker, and it seemed every precaution was being taken to provide safe food for those of us with no choice but to eat gluten-free. Now, sadly, I was glutened the last two times I visited, and won't be going back. On my last visit, the waiter pointed out that the food isn't called gluten free anymore, but gluten free 'friendly'. Sorry but what the heck does that mean when the foods are no longer cooked in a dedicated gf fryer? Is it not clear that cross contamination for us is just as devastating to our health as frying fries in peanut oil and giving them to someone with a peanut allergy? You might not have to dial 911 for us, but you are causing us weeks of symptoms, and potentially permanent damage to our digestive symptoms. My last visit will sadly be just that, as it has become clear to me that providing safe food for Celiacs is not the reason you have gluten-free beer or a 'gluten free friendly' menu, but to simply cater to people who are jumping on a bandwagon of low-gluten dieting, without it being a medical requirement. So very disappointing to see this happen to a place I loved and recomme nded to everyone I know.

On Mon, Feb 28, 2011 at 11:33 AM, Mike Cooper <[email protected]> wrote:

             I’m very sorry to hear that you had reactions on your last two visits to our Pub.  I’m also sorry if we misled you about our gluten friendly program.  In response to customer feedback when we opened, we created a menu featuring items that were not made with wheat or barley.   Although, as a working brewpub with an on-site bakery, the air itself in our Pub contains wheat and barley dust.  Knowing this, we never made a claim to be “gluten free” as it simply wasn’t possible given our environment.  We educated our staff to explain this to our guests and printed the information on our gluten friendly menu.  We have received a lot of positive response from people looking for a lower gluten diet, as well as Celiacs who apparently have a milder case than yours.  Again, I am sorry if we inadvertently caused you discomfort.  It was certainly not our intention and I will make sure we redouble our efforts to make sure our staff is communicating effectively with our guests that have food allergies going forward.

 

Sincerely,

Mike Cooper

Food & Beverage Director

Deschutes Brewery, Inc.

901 SW Simpson Ave.

Bend, OR 97702

(541) 385-8606

Cell (541) 633-6839

[email protected]

---

To which I have sent following reply:

Mike -

Thanks for your reply.  I'm disappointed with your response though. 

I have never had a problem in your place when I just come to have a beverage, so the air itself isn't an issue for me.  Nor has it ever been in any place that bakes or brews, like pizzarias or other breweries - where of course I can't dine, but where friends and family like to go, so I join them without eating.  And I'm fine.  Most celiacs are fine in places like that.  It's a misconception that places that use flour aren't safe for us.  If surfaces are cleaned before use, we're fine.

When I first tried your restaurant about 2 years ago, I was told the chicken wings and french fries were cooked in fryers that weren't shared with items containing wheat.  Now there is a note on the menu, which was pointed out to me on our last visit.  Why the change?  There are plenty of naturally gluten free items on your fried menu that could all be done in one segregated fryer, which is what I was told used to be done, and isn't anymore.  I ate there without trouble before, several times.  It was only on the last two visits that I was sickened, and on the last that the waiter pointed out the new notation.  It seems apparent that something has changed, and talking to the rest of the gluten free community online and in person, they also note that it is different than it was before.

I think it is also worth noting that while many people with Celiac may not be having immediate symptoms, serving them 'low gluten' food is essentially poisoning them.  While I have immediate reactions, they may not but you are still damaging their bodies, and putting them at risk for cancer and potentially life threatening auto immune diseases.  I'm saddened and disturbed that you find this acceptable.

Your response tells me that Deschutes isn't really trying to serve the gluten free community, but jumping on the gluten free bandwagon in a way that is misleading and potentially dangerous to your customers.  How is your response to this issue any different than having a low-peanut menu for folks with peanut allergies, or a low-shrimp menu for the shellfish averse? 

It's just not that hard to accommodate this diet, and your establishment did it before, so why can't they do it again?  The air is not the problem.  The fact that the kitchen isn't taking care to segregate gluten free items is the problem, and not an insurmountable one were it a priority.

 

 

There you have it. It would be great if you would pass the word along, and go over to their site and let them know that this isn't acceptable. Thanks!

Still working on sourdough

    I haven't perfected the sourdough recipe yet.  I've been working a lot (yay) and it takes some time - I have ot get the starter out, feed it, get it bubbly, then make the sponge, get that bubbly, then make the dough, let it rise, and bake it.  I'm working all this week (yay) but have pulled the starter out of the fridge to get it ripe and hope to have some dough ready to bake Thursday, when I may have the day off.  I also want to try some sourdough english muffins.  I'll post about how it goes. Thanks for all your encouraging comments on this process. I will take pictures this week as things get bubbly so you have some idea of what's up in the science lab that my kitchen has become.

Sourdough part 1

I have achieved some success with sourdough!  I have been nursing the starter on my counter for some time now, having several batches going at once to get to know what and how often it wants to be fed.  I've had the best success feeding it plain white rice flour, and occasionally potato flour, which really perks it up.  I made a loaf last weekend with a lot of different flours in it, including teff, which overpowered the flavors and I wasn't happy with that at all.  Tonight I tried something ery basic.  Bread is made from yeast, flour, salt, and water.   So i made a sponge with starter, brown rice flour with a bit of sorghum and quinoa flour for protein, and water, and let that rise most of the day.  Then I added more flour, salt, and a bit of baking powder for a little help with the lift.  I let that rise for about 1.5 hours.  It would have been better with more rising time, but it's late and I have to work in the morning, so into the oven it went.  I should note this was in hamburger bun tins, not a loaf pan.  I baked it at 375, but should have baked it at 425.  It still turned out awesome.  Sourdough flavour was spot on.  I was dancing in the kitchen, declaring to the Budgie, who was chewing happily on his half, "I am a rock star!"  "I conquered gluten free sourdough!"

Of course, now I have to replicate it.  And see if I can get it in bigger loaves.  Still, these are awesome, and will make fantastic sandwich buns or english muffins.  Oh toasted it was fabulous, I tell you. 

Not much I've missed more than sourdough.  And now I don't have to miss it any longer.  I will perfect it, and post the recipe for you with pictures and weights and measures and all that mathy stuff in the near future.

We can have it all, and still be well! 

Contact Intiated

First, thank you SO much for all your comments on my last post.  You all have some great ideas, and gave me lots of things to think about in finding our place in this wonderful city.

In keeping with my resolution to expand my circle, I went to the Portland Modern Quilt Guild meeting tonight!  I met new people!  Some of whom mentioned wine, and a tour bus, and firefighters, which all sound like the makings of a great evening if you ask me.  And I showed my new quilt top, which is almost done, and people were very nice about it.  So yay me - I stepped out of my comfort zone and it did not suck.  Photo pending.

I also just made a batch of Shauna's hamburger buns, which I will first say smell fantastic.  They are also a lot more work than I am used to (gf baked breads tend to work more like pizza dough or quick breads), but damn if they taste as good as they smell, it's a whole new ball game over here.  Report pending.

I'm also making a batch of the worlds best falafel - the garbanzos are soaking right now.  I'm excited to make a huge batch, shape them, and put them in the freezer.  Something about this time of year seems to have me making things to batch up and freeze.  It happens every year.  And yes I am taking my Vitamin D supplement.

This is the time of year I start thinking about the Personal Chef business I have dreamt of starting.  I think I am in a place now to really work on recipes, techniques, and start beta testing things on my friends.  It would be nice to be at a point, this time next year, where I have all the licensure and insurance and legal stuff worked out, and I could pick up a few clients.  So freezing recipes to reheat later is always a good experiment - if it works I can add it to the list for possible menu items.  I need to find some dishware options.  Most personal chef clients either get their food in aluminum/disposable containers, or purchase a set of containers that they have available for the chef on each visit.  I would prefer the second option, and am on the lookout for something that is  freezer/microwave/oven/dishwasher safe.  Ideally, something glass that can go from freezer to oven, but somehow the laws of physics are getting in my way.  I may have to opt for metal in that case, but that rules out the microwave for people with very busy schedules.  Anyway, more research, and that's always fun. 

Have you ever considered a Personal Chef?  (Clarification: the kind of Personal Chef I'm talking about here comes to your house once every two weeks, and makes a bunch of food that then goes in your freezer, with a menu plan, and directions, and you then just have to heat it up when it's time for dinner.)  It is generally financially about the same as the costs for folks who dine out once or twice a week, get takeout, or purchase premade food items like things available at costco or in a deli.  (in other words, if you always cook from scratch, this isn't for you, pricewise.) It's a great option for people with food sensitivities who are trying to find their way in the food world.  I'd love to include some cooking classes, or cookdays with a client as part of my services.  What are your thoughts?

Finding my place in this city...

My dear friend Aster recently posted about the years we all lived in the same neighborhood back in Madtown.  Lately i've felt more nostalgia than usual for that time.  My friends were very close, figuratively and literally, and I could go just about anywhere in the neighborhood and see people I knew.  It was a very fun, vibrant place to be part of, and I felt like I just fit in there.  I was myself there, completely.  People knew me and I didn't have to hide any part of who I am.

I love Portland.  But I still haven't found my place here.  I love love love my job, and definitely feel that is the right place for me to be working.  But I wonder if I am looking for something here that I will never find.  Neighbors who I know, and who come to my parties.  The ability to walk anywhere on my street and feel safe, any time of day or night.  Friends who may not live next door, but who know me and are not surprised by any part of my life, past or present.  Ok maybe "not surprised" is asking a lot - I'd settle for 'not run off'...

Now that we both have jobs in the West side of the river, that possibility seems even more thin, as all the neighborhoods where I felt we could fit in are on the east side, and an hour-long commute doesn't fit our life goals...somehow I doubt Beaverton is an island of childfree, liberal-leaning, well-educated thirty somethings with great taste in food...

I do know that I need to find knitters.  I need to go to the Modern Quilt guild and meet others who sew.  I could think of a dozen other opportunities to meet people if I would just take the time.  Perhaps that needs to be my goal this year.  Now that I've achieved graduation, and employment, it's time to fulfil my social needs on a deeper level.  Wish me luck.

Things are different now.

The last few years have really changed me, I think.  I notice that my reactions to people I encounter in life are, for the most part, a lot nicer.  Although, at the same time, I think my expectations of those close to me are probably a lot higher.  I don't make 'friends' as easily as I used to - perhaps in some ways I am more guarded here than I was in Madison.  People here aren't as easy to get close to as they are in the Midwest.  I have always had a deep sense of loyalty, and probably have expectations of it from my friends that are far higher than most people could possibly meet.  I too am a lot more closed than I used to be, and haven't let people know my secrets and get inside me like I did in Madison, and in turn I think that makes me expect such emotional intimacy from the people who do know me that they simply couldn't give me what I wanted from their friendship.  I have always had a hard time with people's lives moving on, moving away from mine.  But people fall in love, have children, their lives change, and their journeys take them to places I simply can't share except from a distance.  If I am to be honest, I must admit it takes an effort for me to put my resentment of that growing distance aside and just love that they are happy, and that life simply works that way.  That for most people, there is a limit to the amount of love and attention they can spread through the world. 

After the last few years, to strangers in the world, I think I am surprisingly a lot nicer than I used to be.  Today, sitting alone in my favourite coffee shop, waiting for a friend to join me to study Russian, a man approached my table.  At first I figured he was looking at the artwork on the wall behind me.  Then I realized he was staring at me.  I looked up, smiled, and said, "can I help you?"  I would have probably given him a far less friendly response in the past.  Turns out he was looking for someone he was supposed to meet, and was hoping it was me.  He was an older man, and I felt sad for him that I was not his prospective date, and that she wasn't there waiting for him.  I could see his moment of panic, thinking he was being stood up.  But I assured him that this was the only coffee place in the area, surely she would appear soon, and wished him luck. I smiled at him when a few minutes later, she appeared.

I used to think the worst of people too easily.  I think now, having seen people at their most vulnerable, I tend to be more sensitive to what they are really feeling, instead of assuming the worst.  I need to be more like that with the people I care about.

Vinegar DOES go bad...

Contrary to what I used to assume, vinegar does indeed go bad.  Making a vinaigrette this evening, I made this discovery:  champagne vinegar gone bad smells astonishingly like vomit.  Like knock you right across the kitchen.  Pouring it down the drain only succeeds in making the entire room smell ... astonishingly like vomit.  I'm not entirely sure how useful this information will ever be, but next time I notice a mother forming in my champagne vinegar, I may just toss it, rather than risk having this smell sticking in my nostrils for the next few hours.